


Slow Conversations With a Gun Mean More Than I've Ever Said to Anyone

by Siubhantheelfninja



Series: A Song is Worth Five Minutes of Writing [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Sadness, Self-Harm, Song fic, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, prompt, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 16:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12346239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siubhantheelfninja/pseuds/Siubhantheelfninja
Summary: Dan is really done with feeling this way.Prompt: Turn your music on shuffle and write for five minutes about each song.Series of Drabbles





	Slow Conversations With a Gun Mean More Than I've Ever Said to Anyone

Dan was hysterical. Phil had let to visit his family for the day and Dan decided to stay behind this time, but regretted it immensely. His depression was hitting him in waves, tsunamis, full force, racking his body. He couldn’t stop shaking, he couldn’t stop feeling like his body and mind were attacking him. He had a pit at the bottom of his stomach; it was a bad day. 

He needed to do something, anything, to stop his mind at war. He wanted to cut, but he promised Phil he wouldn’t. He had been keeping his promise, too, as he has been clean for over four months now. Maybe it was just time to let go. 

Dan was okay with the idea of anything if it made his head quiet again. The only question now was how. He really didn’t want to break his promise to Phil. He cares too much to hurt him by killing himself and breaking a promise. He could try to hang himself, but he tried that once in high school, and it didn’t really work, as he was too tall to properly choke, and he was too dumb to properly tie a noose. He could try downing a bottle of pills, but he had also tried that thrice in the past and had been unsuccessful with each attempt, obviously, as he is still here coming up with an idea to kill himself this time. Swallowing pills was also a horrible idea because when you failed, you had to have your stomach pumped, and that is definitely not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Dan had one last option. Shoot himself in the head. 

Neither Dan nor Phil liked guns much, but when there were a string of robberies in their neighborhood, they figured they should be able to defend themselves if it ever came down to it. They both took gun safety courses so Dan knows how to use it. Plus, if he shot himself in the head, it would be super quick and pretty dramatic, just like he is. That was how he was gonna go and he was gonna do it now. He couldn’t wait any longer. 

Dan went to his bedroom and got the gun out from its case under the bed. He set it down on the bed and got the letters he already had written from long ago, but constantly updated from one of his dresser drawers. He’d been hiding them there because Phil had found one in the past and gotten scared and Dan really didn’t want Phil to ever have to worry about him. He set the letter down on the bed neatly and picked up the gun again. 

Maybe he should call Phil and hear his beautiful, sweet voice one last time? He picked up his iPhone and hit the first, most important name in his contacts and waited anxiously for his best friend to pick up. 

“Hey Dan? What’s up?” Phil asked, not knowing why Dan would call in the middle of the day when Phil was at his parents’ house. 

“Phil I just wanted to say thank you for always being such a great friend. It means a lot to me, ya know?” Dan whispered, trying not to make Phil aware of the shakiness of his voice or the fact that he has been crying off and on. 

“Dan are you okay?” Phil worryingly inquired. He’s heard this before, and it has never ended well.

“Y-Yeh I’m fine sorry that’s all I had to say. Sorry. Bye, Phil” Dan rushingly answered, hanging the call up after his goodbye. 

He grabbed the gun, knowing he was going to have to make this quick, as Phil is probably already on his way over. He feels vibrating, and Phil’s name and face light up his phone screen, trying to get in contact with his best friend so he doesn’t do something stupid. It was too late, though for Phil to stop him, as Dan had already made up his mind. Today was the day, and there was no going back. He lifted the gun up to his head, tears streaming down his face, his hand barely calm enough to keep the gun anywhere near his head. He closes his eyes for a quick moment, thinking over everything, but not finding an ounce of hesitation or regret, he pulls the trigger. 

He had finally succeeded.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry


End file.
